Dear Abby: I’m 32 and a “large girl.” I am also intelligent, witty and fun to be around. I make friends wherever I go. The problem is my mother — who is also big — keeps telling me that heavy women are not desirable and we must “settle” when it comes to choosing a mate.

Abby, I would rather remain single than marry someone I’m not happy with just to have a man.

I’m not looking for a movie star; I just want to find someone I’m attracted to and who has the same values and ideals that I have.

Is Mother right? Am I setting my sights too high?

Happy Being Me In Massachusetts

Dear Happy Being You: I don’t think so. If you want to achieve the same level of satisfaction in your life that your mother has, then follow her roadmap. However, if you want more, then cross your fingers and keep looking.

There are worse things than being alone, and having two long, unhappy marriages is one. Just look at your mother.

Dear Abby: A year ago, my boss was diagnosed with cancer. She had major surgery and a round of radiation therapy. Last week, her doctor discovered a mass, and after a biopsy, she may be going in for more surgery.

I am finding it difficult to show much empathy for my boss. Despite having had the disease she continues to live an unhealthy lifestyle. She still smokes, has a couple of drinks a day and eats a lot of red meat. I don’t drink or smoke and I’m a vegetarian, so I can’t understand why a person would risk her health by doing these things.

Abby, it’s not like I have come right out and said, “It’s your own fault,” but it’s frustrating to listen to her problems. She’s generally whiny to begin with, and now she seems to want everyone to feel sorry for her. What do I need to do to be more sympathetic?

Trying In Tempe

Dear Trying: You don’t know what caused your boss’s cancer and neither do I. Some people who live a healthy lifestyle get cancer anyway. Please try to remember that — and then think about karma. If you do, it may help you become more sympathetic and less judgmental.