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Regulating trivia

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While we ponder how government regulation might lower our risk from flood, landslide, avalanche, volcanic eruption and raging fire, it is deeply comforting to know the federal government has stepped in to save us from the hazards of unpruned lavender.

You may have read the federal department of Housing and Urban Development recently audited the city of Wenatchee’s public buildings to ensure compliance and that conditions violated no one’s civil rights. The list of required corrections was truly astonishing, with the lavender threat foremost among them. Lavender can bloom, and lavender blooms attract bees, and bees unintentionally provoked can sting, and stings can be dangerous or even fatal, and so we assume the bushes at Wenatchee’s Public Works Building are a threat to the allergic, and a federal concern. So too is the slope of three parking spaces that must be lessened by 0.07 percent, or the opening pressure on the front door, or the spout height at the City Hall drinking fountain, or the “unstable grass” at a bus stop.

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