Bullying is More Prevalent Than We Think
Blog: Good Habits, Great Grades
February 1, 2012
I work in a very small school. Classes are small. Kids have grown up together. Everyone on the staff knows every one of the kids from pre-kindergarten to graduating seniors. There is no shortage of positive adult-student interaction. There is a strong volunteer network. There is a large administrative presence. And yet, in the last few days I have had students complain to me about being bullied. A senior who said a couple of other seniors are constantly taking “verbal” shots at her; a junior who explained that long-time friends are gossiping about him and saying mean things about him; 3 5th graders who are fighting over a 4th grade boy are actively making classmates choose sides in their argument.
I was stunned. I think I pay attention to these kids as I work with them in the classroom and see them in the halls and library and cafeteria. But I had missed this. The younger ones were fairly easy to deal with; I spoke to each girl individually to make sure I got the story straight. Then I brought them all together for a “chat” which turned into a tear-filled apology session and new vows of friendship and amity and standing together to prevent any more bullying among peers. The boy never even knew he was the center of such rancor.
But the high schoolers are much more challenging as they didn’t want anyone to know they had even brought up the subject. They didn’t want me saying anything to the “bullies.” They didn’t want a facilitator. They didn’t want their parents involved. They just want to “get through it.” So I made the normal speech: When people act badly it’s not about you; it’s about them. Just ignore them and eventually they will find someone else to pick on. Move away from them so you can’t hear their talk. Don’t react. Spend time with people who don’t behave this way. But now I’m on guard. I’m listening for the comments, watching for the demeaning behavior. I’m worrying about the impact on school work. And I’m trapped in a moral dilemma about whether to tell and whom to tell.
So the next few articles will deal with bullying. I don’t know that I have anything new to say. But I do know that we adults have to be more aware of what’s happening to our kids simply because someone bigger, prettier, thinner, smarter, stronger, “straighter,” meaner, decides to target them. My initial research says that 20-40% of our kids experience serious bullying. That’s only the beginning of the shocking statistics. According to stompoutbullying.com 160,000 students stay home on any given day because they are afraid to go to school. 1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully. A poll of teens ages 12-17 showed that they think violence has increased in their school. 80% of the time, an argument with a bully ends up in a physical fight. These numbers don’t include cyber bullying.
Coming up: what is bullying, what are signs that your child may be experiencing bullying or may be a bully, why students become bullies and victims of bullies, and what you can do to help. In the meantime, pay attention, talk to your child, and learn what you can about this frightening trend.
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TerryFinn 3 months, 3 weeks ago
Bullying is More Prevalent Than We Think
Looking forward to it.
chloe 3 months, 3 weeks ago
Bullying is More Prevalent Than We Think
Excellent topic. This has been going on for years, but the tactics and forms of bullying go to so many more levels these days. It's unfortunate that the schools are so far behind in how to deal with it. It seems they react to only the violent acts and when their hands are forced to get involved. Obviously, it's not working. Great subject and hopefully a new, effective way to deal with this will result.
Em 3 months, 3 weeks ago
Bullying is More Prevalent Than We Think
maybe, if we adults could break ourselves of the comparison habit . . . focus on appreciation of our fellow man? perhaps, even adult disagreements might resolve constructively
msladywarrior51 3 months, 3 weeks ago
Bullying is More Prevalent Than We Think
It saddens my heart , we just lost a very young man here in Cashmere Middle school due to bullying. he just could"nt take it anymore, all the help he was asking for never came all the signs were there and yet nothing was done about in in the School system. he was only 13, I never thought that it would hit so close to home and in 1 of our schools . I sure hope these parents do something about it and Stop all the bullying, I went to the candle light Vigial and I hope I never have to go to one of them like that again, so please people pray for this family and for this young gentalmen who took his life due to Bullying in School.
swoda 3 months, 3 weeks ago
Bullying is More Prevalent Than We Think
Thanks for writing this article. Bullying is a serious subject that parents need to better understand.
When we were kids, the bullying stopped when we left the playground. Today's kids have to deal with bullying 24/7 because they are connected 24/7. The average kid today sends or receives almost 4,000 text messages per month, and they are online 1 in every 4 waking hours. 80% of kids say that they sleep with their mobile phones so that they won't miss any important messages.
Here is a collection of excellent articles on the subject of cyberbulling that might be helpful for your readers… http://www.uknowkids.com/blog/category/cyberbullying/
I highly recommend that parents consider using a parental intelligence tool such as uKnowKids (http://www.uknowkids.com).
Parental intelligence tools are designed to help parents keep their kids safe from bad guys and bullies online and on the mobile phone by enabling parents to stay actively engaged in their kids' digital world. uKnowKids has a free version of its service, and so parents can try out the parental intelligence tools for free.
Full disclosure... I am the CEO of uKnow.com... the company that powers uKnowKids.
I hope this is helpful to your readers. Stay safe everyone!
JohnBarta_ 3 months, 3 weeks ago
Bullying is More Prevalent Than We Think
I was a victim of bullying in school, elementary, junior high and high school (WHS '64). At times in my adult life I have been bullied, too.
JimboBear 3 months, 3 weeks ago
Bullying is More Prevalent Than We Think
I'm not sure what your point is John, but I for one think that we ALL are victims of "bullying". I know I was, and I can think of a scant few of my acquaintances who haven't expressed a feeling of being pushed around or "bullied" at some time in their life. I don't like that word very well because I think it's just another cop out. Those on the upper levels of our societal classes have always and will always abuse those who they believe to be below them. That's what discrimination is all about. Too often, we just want to label it and place blame on those so labeled rather than stepping up to the plate and dealing with it. Sooner or later, those kids are going to have to learn to cope rather than assume that those in authority will make it all go away.
It leads me to believe that perhaps we as parents are the ones who are failing rather than that someone else's children are failing. We fail our children if we don't teach them self worth at every opportunity. How can we possibly believe that our kids will never be badgered and coerced by others in their "peer group"? I suspect that the way to stop "bullying" is simply to teach our kids acceptance in all things. Life isn't fair. Fairness is something in story books and child's play, but if we teach our kids from the git-go that they will encounter adversity and attempt to show them how to deal with it. Let's teach our kids to accept what is, and teach them how to correctly stand up and express why they are just as good as the next guy. I think the word for that is diplomacy, and I don't see a great deal of that being taught to today's kids. Rather, I see most growing up believing they deserve to be respected and at the same time doing nothing to build respect.
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