BLOGS

When I think of bullying I think of a big kid picking on a small kid during recess. But of course it’s much more than that. It can be physical – hitting or pushing, stealing or hiding someone’s possessions, forcing someone to do something he or she doesn’t want to do. It can be name calling or teasing. Or, it can be refusing to speak to someone, making someone feel left out, or spreading rumors. All of these things make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these things are done repeatedly and over a period of time, it’s bullying.

According to a variety of experts, four characteristics constitute bullying:

1. It is an intentional act. It is always meant to cause some sort of harm whether physical or emotional.
2. It is repetitive. Bullying is not considered a random act or a single incident. Bullies often target children who they know will not do anything about the problem.
3. It is hurtful. The types of behavior that are identified as bullying may vary, but they all cause harm to the victim.
4. There is a definite imbalance of power such as size, age, strength, social status.

Bullying also varies based on gender. Boys tend to be physically aggressive whereas girls bully other girls indirectly through peer groups spreading rumors or sharing hurtful information with others. Boys are more likely to bully and be bullied than girls.

Bullying happens all the time. Because it’s so common, many of us think it’s just a part of growing up and our advice is “Just ignore it” or “You just have to toughen up.” I tell kids to walk away and don’t engage and I assure them that these behaviors aren’t about them (the victim); they are about the person doing the bullying. But while all that may be good advice, it doesn’t make the problem go away and might just make the victim be less likely to seek adult advice.

Future articles will deal with how to know bullying is occurring, strategies to avoid bullying, how to get involved without “making it worse” and the big one -- cyber bullying. In the meantime, I recommend you start doing your research. Pbskids.org, parentfurther.com, kidshealth.org and education.com are all good places to begin. Then talk to your kids.

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