I’ve been doing this newspaper stuff for more than 40 years; and in that time, I thought I’d heard — or read — just about everything there is to hear or read in a small town newspaper. Then I heard and read about a 27-year-old East Wenatchee man named Cameron Jeffrey Wilson.
If you read the Wednesday story by our cop and court reporter Pete O’Cain, you probably said the same thing I did. “Wait a minute...he did what?”
It’s why that story has made it all the way to the New York tabloids via social media, making Mr. Wilson a viral rock star.
According to the story, Mr. Wilson might have had the worst day in history of mankind, which is going back a long way.
Prior to having the worst day in history, Mr. Wilson must have had more than his share of bad days, since he is, according to the story, a “13-time convicted felon.”
I’ll get into that later because I have a lot of questions about 13 felony convictions by the age of 27 and why Mr. Wilson was even allowed to have the worst day in the history of mankind.
He should have been in a prison cell, where none of this would have happened. Mr. Wilson’s troubles began way before April 5, but we’ll use that date to define his worst day.
I’ll guess Mr. Wilson’s Friday began just like most of our days. At least, until he opened his eyes. Then he probably departed from what most would consider to be a “normal” Friday.
Once he opened his sleepy eyes that April 5 morning, Mr. Wilson stuck a handgun down the front of his pants. It doesn’t appear that Mr. Wilson took a gun safety class or he wouldn’t have done that. There are a few things you should never stick down your pants and a loaded gun is pretty high on the list, right up there with a hot iron or rattlesnake.
Because he was a convicted felon, Mr. Wilson wasn’t supposed to have a gun in, or out, of his pants, but he’s not the kind of guy who likes to follow the rules — hence the multiple convictions.
As generally happens when you stick a loaded gun in your pants, it discharged, sending a bullet through his testicles and into his leg.
Okay, guys...this is where you wince. Nobody likes to get shot, but most of you will agree that the last place you want to get shot is... without question...where Mr. Wilson got shot. Anywhere but there. Shoot me in the arm. My leg. Fanny (the fatty part). Even the knee, which would hurt to no end. Anywhere but...there.
And, if that was the end of the story, it would still have been a very bad day for Mr. Wilson.
But, it wasn’t.
His day was just getting started.
Once he shot himself in the testicles, Mr. Wilson had the foresight to understand that there would be a lot of questions when he got to the hospital. I give him huge credit for that. Most of us would be too busy screaming and writhing on the floor to really care about the consequences, but Mr. Wilson is not just anyone.
He instructed his girlfriend to swing by a local park on the way to the hospital so he could give the gun to a “friend.” What’s the point of having friends if they won’t babysit a loaded gun while you are in the hospital with a self-inflicted testicle wound?
Mr. Wilson eventually made it to the hospital and things at least seemed to be moving along pretty well. Then, a packet of marijuana fell out of his rear end on the operating table.
I know...I said the same thing when I read it. “Marijuana fell out of his what?”
It seems Mr. Wilson also had a good idea he might be going to jail once they took care of his groin injury, so he decided to hide some marijuana in his rear end.
If you’ve ever seen prison movies, you know how that goes. Mr. Wilson — it turns out — is a guy who likes to cover all his bases.
At some point, the cops heard that Mr. Wilson was in the hospital with a bullet wound so they searched his car and...lo and behold... they found a bag of methamphetamine inside a pair of his bloodstained jeans.
Since they may as well have been family (you don’t have 13 felony convictions in a small town unless you know every cop in town), law enforcement waited for Mr. Wilson to get out of the hospital to arrest him. In fact, they allowed him to turn himself in two weeks after shooting himself in the testicles.
Even then, Mr. Wilson wasn’t quite finished. During a strip search at the county jail, deputies found more marijuana stashed in Mr. Wilson’s rear end. By then, authorities were wise to Mr. Wilson’s secret hiding place, so he was hit with additional charges.
It should have ended there, right?
That’s what I thought.
But, this is Mr. Wilson we’re talking about.
Once he was locked up, he realized that his girlfriend knew all about his gunshot wound and other details related to his very bad day (and week). He allegedly called her several times from jail to tell her not to talk to the cops. That got him additional charges for tampering with a witness.
Last I heard, Mr. Wilson was still in jail and it didn’t sound like he’d get out any time soon. But...again...this is Mr. Wilson we’re talking about, so he could be home right this very minute wondering if he should order a holster from Amazon.
Jeff Ackerman can be reached at 665-1160 or at ackerman@ wenatcheeworld.com.