Before the COVID-19 pandemic, before the 9-11 terrorist attack, before “cowboys” moved to Rodéo Drive in Beverly Hills, there were the good old days.
We had character then. And values. And no school buses, apparently. We’d walk to school 18 miles in snow up to our armpits, even if we had to walk back and forth nine times.
Everybody had grit, we drank warm water from the hose, and coffee was black, not a weird combination of hazelnut, caramel and creamed chipped beef spice.
You, too, might have grown up in the good old days. To be sure, take this test. If you answer yes to 90% of the questions, you’re probably petrified. You’re also from the good old days.
You’re good old days material if you ...
Attended grade school where monkey bars were installed on asphalt.
Remember where you were when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.
Watched a TV that got only three channels and know at least 99 ways to set up rabbit ears.
Saw on TV, by the end of grade school, 8,000 Lassie rescues of people who had fallen, some several times, into abandoned wells.
Have an irrational fear of abandoned wells.
Roughed it without a TV remote or mute button.
Heard George Burns and Gracie Allen on the radio every week sponsored by Spam, whose slogan was, “Cold or hot, Spam hits the spot.”
Have an irrational fear of Spam.
Wore bell-bottomed pants.
Used a big straw hat, not sun block 100, for solar protection.
Frequented smoking clubs that were also called “restaurants.”
Had a laundry whirligig that not only served as a lawn ornament but also as an electricity saver, before the word “environmentalist” was coined.
Drove on average 10 blocks to work, not the 36.5-mile round trip typical today in bigger cities.
Stashed maps in the car’s “glove compartment.”
Remember when the Cuyahoga River in Ohio caught fire.
Used ice cream, not Prozac, to cheer up.
Cooled drinks using ice cubes from a sectioned aluminum tray with pull handles.
Went to the library to research a project.
Dialed the phone, especially time consuming if there were 0’s or 9’s in the number.
Wound a clock.
Made copies on a ditto machine.
Changed typewriter ribbon.
Know what quicksand is.
Collected S&H Green Stamps and got cool stuff.
Put a nickel in a jukebox.
Played hopscotch, cops and robbers, and cowboys and Indians.
Remember when dinosaurs were space-junk victims (just kidding).
Have an irrational fear of dinosaurs.
Sure, people had more gumption in the good old days, developed because everything, including TV and car tires, was constantly breaking down and had to be fixed. This forced us to chat over the back fence with neighbors to see if we could borrow their TV or car tires.
We’d share Spam recipes and knowledge of abandoned wells in the neighborhood.